Category Archives: Habits

Coronavirus … all tuckered out … or is it us?

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Let’s be clear, the fear of Coronavirus — even just the name COVID-19 (alias “COrona VIrus Disease [first diagnosed in] 2019“) can send shivers — must not become greater than the real risk of having or transmitting the virus itself.  Information is power.  Let’s keep things in perspective.  Do we really want this period in time to be known as the “TP revolution”?  Is there ever a good reason to rude, stressed, or insensitive to other people’s needs?   If there were, this would be the perfect time.

No, I’m not putting my head in the sand (or anywhere else) with regard to the actual risks. Certainly I’m not some cavalier Viking-type that tries to catch rare, communicable diseases just to prove I can kick some tiny germ ass. Some friends wish to prove they are better and stronger than those who don’t know how to hand-carve a boat out of a tree.

Yes, I’ve met these glory-bound folks, impervious to what almost everyone else considers a real threat, hellbent on building their impenetrable immunity to almost everything (including basic common sense), as if they have some superpowers the rest of us lack. They rarely make good dinner guests.  Yes, some day we will once again invite people over for dinner.  Meanwhile, let those with the antibodies continue to deliver our vital services like improv comedy, distance coaching (such as how to set up an exercise program at home), and … where are the dang Amazon employees when we need them!?

Well, it turned out that you, too, can gain such superpowers.  Some practical advice on what’s real and what you can do to gain the upper hand, check out Dr. Sandy Bevacqua’s global update (35 minutes well spent, IMO) … includes a geographically accurate accounting of all the cases in real time.  Lots of very practical tips … kinda like common sense on steroids, without the steroids.

What am I going to do about it?  Thank you for asking.  My customary complaint that “We don’t out much” has suddenly become a virtue!  I do take comfort in staying close to the bathroom sink so I can inspect my toilet paper supply and actively resist the urge to wash my hands every few seconds, for no particular reason.  I could leap into a lathered frenzy at any moment, if I wanted to!  I just don’t like soap that much.

I also get to enjoy not answering any of my phones (we have like 5 lines, that I know of), just in case it’s a telemarketer selling container-loads of Nigerian hand sanitizer (this actually happened).  To answer the phone would like break my concentration, this self-sequestered solitude and deep calm, interrupting long stretches of letting dust accumulate on my hands.  But none of that nasty, dirty dust, but the clean stuff made by a gas-powered furnace. Of course, my hands should be washed, but I’m too busy not using the telephone.

Plus, if I wanted to talk to anybody I’d text them first.  But to text them I’d first check their status on social media, to see if they’re online.  What’s the point of using text or email if you don’t get the immediate gratification and miniature dopamine rush of a reply?

Our big brains are very good at finding s*** to be afraid of, at anticipating potential threats.  We have a negativity bias, born of good intentions (survival), but we also make a lot of mistakes because of this (Thinking Fast & Slow tells this story — a sequester-worthy read if there ever was one).  So, how do we survive times like this?

In nature, a gazelle manages to focus on their next step, not on the cheetah that is watching it. In brief, this basically means that I work for dopamine, but as my colleague Jamal says, “you can’t fix stupid.”  Check out Loretta Breuning at the Inner Mammal Institute’s Stuck at Home? How to keep up your happy chemicals and avoid threat chemicals.  

You see, we work internationally, mostly by the aforementioned email, phone and text messaging, so we have a largely “Coronavirus-resistant” business model … we do not have employees to sneeze at, or to ask that they stay home, so we all get to enjoy our very long “arm’s length” working arrangements, a mutual sequester, as we have for more than two decades.

So, I recommend that everyone update their antivirus software (the kind of software that lives between our ears) by taking a deep breath, and for goodness sake, try to relax a bit more.  Cortisol only lasts for about an hour, so go at least 90-minutes acting as if there’s enough toilet paper, and you’ll feel better.  Do this now, even if you still have room for supplies in your garage, in your pantry, and in your linen closet.  Its fine to plan for a marathon, not the 100-yard dash you may actually only need, just don’t plan to be miserable that whole time.  I say, buy extra-soft TP or nothing at all. Go berserk and invest in a bidet company?

And ease up on watching the news.  When has anything good ever resulted from watching the news incessantly?

And isn’t climate change the much greater existential threat?  Perhaps that’s of little comfort if you think you’re facing a life-threatening illness, but how about staying calm enough to focus on the longer-term and bigger-picture objective:  distracting yourself from the apparent lack of available toilet paper.

What are we supposed to do in the meantime?  Stay healthy and strong.  Thump your thymus.  Watch or listen to the above linked update starting at 25 minutes in to boost your immune system — some very practical tips.  Oh, and if you’re not Canadian, be sure to eat enough kale.  If you are Canadian, can we borrow your healthcare system so we don’t have to eat so much kale?

Dr. Loretta says “You can make this a moment you’ll look back on with pride and a sense of accomplishment.”

That’s all I got.

Habits of a Happier Human

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I’ve been sharing feedback on Amazon lately that shows a lot of folks had high hopes for a book that holds promise for genuinely increasing our happiness — more of what we want, less of what we don’t want, and more a sense of control over our lives.  Who wouldn’t want that?!

But this benefit is not free — the book costs money, the time it takes to read, and then the ass-kicking part, consistent rehearsal of new habits to replace the old.  Thus, it isn’t without some effort, but if you focus on something that really matters to you, it will be worth it.

The book is HABITS of a HAPPY BRAIN by Loretta Graziano Breuning, PhD.  A marvel of nerdy usefulness, but not of much value unless you apply it to something that’s truly important in your life.  I happen to be a kinesthetic learner, as many humans are, which just means that until I get my body into it, I carry around the awareness of new ideas but don’t discover the true potential until I create the conditions for integration as new automatic behavior.  Those conditions are a mix of environment (literally the place or room or surroundings where I spend most of my time) and anchors or triggers or reminders that I’m in learning mode, rehearsal for 3-6 weeks until it becomes rote.  It helps, I’ve discovered, to assume there’s an impending performance, that is, I’ll be sharing or re-teaching or otherwise demonstrating (walking the talk) to others what I have learned to do or not do.

Most recently applied to dietary habits, I no longer have sugary treats in my house; next I’ll eliminate carbo snacks … not buying bags of chips and other “extra” calories is a great way of not participating in my default-mode “see food” diet — I see the food, and then I eat it.  Out of sight, out of mind.

Turns out that the mind is overrated.  We are bundles of good and bad habits (and this book helps pinpoint which ones you’ve built that don’t actually work for you) and we can actually make adjustments by replacing the bad ones with better ones, and cut ourselves some slack.  Will power and discipline also work, but are much more difficult to execute consistently.  If you’re at all a creature of habits, your default mode (habitual ways of doing things) will inevitably take over and you’ll wonder how those cookie crumbs got on your shirt.  Hmmm.  I wonder.

Too Much Admiration, not enough perspiration

To move forward and get results from reading a book about habits, you cannot just read the book and expect much to change.  I you have much hope that reading a book will provide some magic panacea, insight, or discovery that breaks through the “habits of mind” already part of your operating system, then I empathize, and you can let go of that false dream right now. Why? It has been said that we “can’t talk ourselves out of something we behaved ourselves into.” That simply means we won’t get there from here without applying the information, and consistently doing some select things differently for 3-6 weeks … what studies show is required to form a new habit.  That’s the proscribed way to get value from this material, too.

Reading about it will exercise only your intellect, keeping the useful insights in your awareness for only a short time, then they’ll be quickly forgotten, as old habits continue to guide behavior, … not the good intentions of your conscious mind that got you going in the first place. This can be frustrating because you clearly intend to change something that matters in your life. We all want to realize the promise of greater happiness, and it seems logical to expect that reading a book should deliver at least some of that. No such luck.

Our good intentions are going to be lost — like a ship of foolish ideas that gets caught on the rocky shore, dashed into a million pieces — without building new circuits to replace the ones we already have. Get both your head and heart into it, use your great intellect to wrap yourself around a few key opportunities (or even just 1) and then consistently rehearse the new neuronal pathway, and your body (automatic behavior, AKA your new “happier habit”) will follow. Spend no time whatsoever admiring this opportunity — do this now, and do it consistently for awhile and you’ll be rewarded with lasting change. That’s why the author is focused on “new habits” (Chapter 6), where embodiment is the only way to translate the value of this highly technical book into action, which takes effort (ignoring the inner choir that will sound the alarm the minute you begin doing something new), but if you prioritize your opportunities will deliver great, life-long benefits. Have fun with it!