I’ve been sharing feedback on Amazon lately that shows a lot of folks had high hopes for a book that holds promise for genuinely increasing our happiness — more of what we want, less of what we don’t want, and more a sense of control over our lives. Who wouldn’t want that?!
But this benefit is not free — the book costs money, the time it takes to read, and then the ass-kicking part, consistent rehearsal of new habits to replace the old. Thus, it isn’t without some effort, but if you focus on something that really matters to you, it will be worth it.
The book is HABITS of a HAPPY BRAIN by Loretta Graziano Breuning, PhD. A marvel of nerdy usefulness, but not of much value unless you apply it to something that’s truly important in your life. I happen to be a kinesthetic learner, as many humans are, which just means that until I get my body into it, I carry around the awareness of new ideas but don’t discover the true potential until I create the conditions for integration as new automatic behavior. Those conditions are a mix of environment (literally the place or room or surroundings where I spend most of my time) and anchors or triggers or reminders that I’m in learning mode, rehearsal for 3-6 weeks until it becomes rote. It helps, I’ve discovered, to assume there’s an impending performance, that is, I’ll be sharing or re-teaching or otherwise demonstrating (walking the talk) to others what I have learned to do or not do.
Most recently applied to dietary habits, I no longer have sugary treats in my house; next I’ll eliminate carbo snacks … not buying bags of chips and other “extra” calories is a great way of not participating in my default-mode “see food” diet — I see the food, and then I eat it. Out of sight, out of mind.
Turns out that the mind is overrated. We are bundles of good and bad habits (and this book helps pinpoint which ones you’ve built that don’t actually work for you) and we can actually make adjustments by replacing the bad ones with better ones, and cut ourselves some slack. Will power and discipline also work, but are much more difficult to execute consistently. If you’re at all a creature of habits, your default mode (habitual ways of doing things) will inevitably take over and you’ll wonder how those cookie crumbs got on your shirt. Hmmm. I wonder.
Too Much Admiration, not enough perspiration
To move forward and get results from reading a book about habits, you cannot just read the book and expect much to change. I you have much hope that reading a book will provide some magic panacea, insight, or discovery that breaks through the “habits of mind” already part of your operating system, then I empathize, and you can let go of that false dream right now. Why? It has been said that we “can’t talk ourselves out of something we behaved ourselves into.” That simply means we won’t get there from here without applying the information, and consistently doing some select things differently for 3-6 weeks … what studies show is required to form a new habit. That’s the proscribed way to get value from this material, too.
Reading about it will exercise only your intellect, keeping the useful insights in your awareness for only a short time, then they’ll be quickly forgotten, as old habits continue to guide behavior, … not the good intentions of your conscious mind that got you going in the first place. This can be frustrating because you clearly intend to change something that matters in your life. We all want to realize the promise of greater happiness, and it seems logical to expect that reading a book should deliver at least some of that. No such luck.
Our good intentions are going to be lost — like a ship of foolish ideas that gets caught on the rocky shore, dashed into a million pieces — without building new circuits to replace the ones we already have. Get both your head and heart into it, use your great intellect to wrap yourself around a few key opportunities (or even just 1) and then consistently rehearse the new neuronal pathway, and your body (automatic behavior, AKA your new “happier habit”) will follow. Spend no time whatsoever admiring this opportunity — do this now, and do it consistently for awhile and you’ll be rewarded with lasting change. That’s why the author is focused on “new habits” (Chapter 6), where embodiment is the only way to translate the value of this highly technical book into action, which takes effort (ignoring the inner choir that will sound the alarm the minute you begin doing something new), but if you prioritize your opportunities will deliver great, life-long benefits. Have fun with it!